The No Contact Rule After Breakup Allows For Healing

 When is it best to heed the no contact rule after breakup with your partner?  The answer can be very complex but most of the time this rule is very wise whether you are wanting to get your ex back into your life or not. 

Why try the no contact rule to get your ex back?  

Regardless of the reason for your breakup, you should not appear desperate to reconcile with your ex.  So if you are thinking about calling and texting your ex a bunch of times to see if he or she will talk with you, don’t do it!  Even if you believe you are at fault for the breakup, or even if you did the dumping, don’t call your ex and start apologizing or making any kind of promises.  This can genuinely be taken as your being controlling, or fearful, or maybe even emotionally unsound. This behavior might very well help convince your ex that the breakup should be permanent . 

Another thing to consider is that maybe there is a very valid reason why you broke up, and maybe it could be reconciled by working on some of your own issues for awhile.  Believe it or not, if you start doing some things that will improve your own happiness or self worth then this could very well get noticed by your ex and your attempts to improve yourself will likely be rather appealing to your ex.

Yes, no one likes this rule because in the early stage of a breakup you will be highly emotional and you will be spending most of your time trying to figure out how to fix the relationship.  That is precisely why you must follow the no contact rule after breakup, and especially for the first couple weeks until you are able to think more clearly.

Why do you still want to follow the no contact rule after breakup even if you don’t want your ex back?  

After your breakup now you don’t want your ex back?  Maybe you are thinking about some sort of revenge or retaliation? If it has only been a few days or couple weeks since your breakup then this might appeal to you and you might even think that this is justified and logical after all your ex put you through. But remember, your emotions could be influencing you right now and you might not even recognize it.  You need to cool off for awhile and gather your thoughts. 

There is another really great reason for abiding by the no contact rule after breakup when you think that you don’t want your ex back.  What if you change your mind later?  After the shock wears off and you can think again, you want to get back with your ex or at least give it a try.  But let’s say you have previously taken revenge or said some things that you now feel bad about?  It would be very wise to do nothing against your ex and focus on figuring your own life out for awhile and see how it goes.

So put your cell phone away and start thinking about what makes you happy independent from your ex.  Get out and spend time with friends so you can avoid getting lonely or depressed. Find some goals that can improve yourself like going back to school, joining a gym, or anything that keeps you motivated.  If you want your ex back, this is the best approach for now even though this does not seem to make sense.  Your ex will see that you are getting stronger and happier and if there is still something between you, then these characteristics will be very attractive . 

You may or may not get back together with your ex.  But you have the chance to be happy either way if you work on yourself and then just see what happens from there.  This is much better than having your happiness be totally dependent upon the success or failure of a relationship.


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